While I am not generally a picky eater, I have a few foods that freak me out beyond belief to the point where I cannot eat anything that has touched that food.
One such food is yellow mustard…notice I categorized the type of mustard (see bottle below) because for whatever reason I don’t have problems with dijon or in my pre-vegan days, honey mustard.
I am not sure when the first time I had mustard was but I know it had to be before I was 7 years old because that’s when MUSTARDGATE happened.
I was at dinner with my mom and sisters and remember cringing when I saw a bottle of mustard on the table and (perhaps melodramatically) insisting that mustard was the world’s most evil and disgusting condiment.
My big sister was about 15 at the time and definitely wanted to put “Jan Brady” into her place so snidely remarked that how can I make such a statement when I had never even tasted mustard.
I continued to egg her on by condemning mustard’s existence until she took matters into her own hands and began to chase me around the restaurant with a bottle of mustard. My poor mother must have been so mortified.
Given that I probably hit my running peak around this time, I made it pretty far until I made the mistake of dashing into the bathroom where I was promptly cornered by my big sister.
She opened the bottle of mustard, stuck it under my nose and was probably getting ready to feed me a finger full of it but I promptly yakked into the sink…yes the mere smell was enough to make me physically ill.
However, I was always a kid who was thinking about how she could use a weakness to her advantage and lets just say I put this mustard phobia to good use.
Over the next few years, if I didn’t want to go to school, I would retreat into the bathroom with a bottle of yellow mustard (which my mom loved but knew she could never put on any food I would be expected to eat), crack open the lid and puke my guts out.
I would then hide the mustard, tell my mom I had just thrown up a ton (and sometimes show her, poor mom) and couldn’t possibly go to school. *DISCLAIMER: I have come clean to my mom about this already, but dad, this is probably news to you.*
The plus side was obviously a day off from school spent watching TV and playing video games. The downside, I would always ask my mom for pancakes or french toast, only to be served saltines and dry toast because I had been so nauseous.
So I believe this began my introduction to a lady who has now become my favorite bitch: karma!
To this day, the yellow mustard phobia is in full effect. I have met other people who feel the same way about ketchup (which is one of my favorite condiments), but never anyone who is as anti-mustard as me.
Do you have any food phobias/stories about why you hate certain foods?
What condiment skeeves you out the most?
Are you a ketchup or mustard person?
Posted by Missy Maintains on August 31, 2010 at 8:46 am
That is really funny. I am terrified of olives but not to the point where I could puke from them! That would have been cool back in the day though. They still can’t be anywhere near my food. I send my meal back if it ever happens in a restaurant.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 10:10 am
Oh believe me, while mustard is my top food I loathe, there are a few others I will blog about too, such as PICKLES!
Posted by MelissaNibbles on August 31, 2010 at 8:52 am
I would’ve squirted her with the mustard.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 11:44 am
I think I retaliated by freezing her bra and throwing it at her when she had a boy over.
Posted by Eunice @ Food4Fit on August 31, 2010 at 11:36 am
Pickles are my arch nemesis. I have a fit when I find pickles in my burgers after I specifically tell them not to put any on there!
Also, I’m deathly afraid of mushrooms. But not the ones that are already cut up and in food. I’m talking about the ones that are still on the ground. Gaaaahhhhh
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 11:43 am
I too CANNOT eat anything that a pickle has touched…they gross me out to no end!!!!!
Posted by Abby on August 31, 2010 at 12:28 pm
While it doesn’t induce puking, I too am not a fan of the unatural liquid that is yellow mustard. However, if you can get your hands on a jar of maple horseradish mustard I would highly recommend it!
Other than that, if forced to choose it would be ketchup all the way (habanero ketchup!)
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I’m not so keen on the horseradish flavor but maple mustard sounds amazing! I found an awesome vegan “honey” mustard dressing as well!
Posted by Kendra on August 31, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I had a lifelong ban on cottage cheese and would feel a little sick just at the sight of it. Then I actually tried it and ruined the whole thing. I like it now but the thought of it sometimes makes me cringe still.
My sister is also yellow-mustard phobic but that’s mostly because my other two sisters smeared it all over her arms and face when she was little. She’s still mad at them.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Okay reading this story about your poor sister almost made me throw up!!! That would be so tortuous and traumatizing…did she exact revenge?
Posted by Bridget@PavementandPlants on August 31, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Mayonnaise. Oh my god-it’s a weird texture, it serves no nutritional purpose, it’s gag-inducing, people glob it on everything.
So gross…I seriously dry heave when it is on things.
Posted by Abby on August 31, 2010 at 4:03 pm
I never had any use for mayonnaise either and then, as a child, I saw a tv show on what was actually in it and how it was made. Definitely gag-inducing.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 4:20 pm
I have to say I never liked mayo either though I have recently gotten into flavored aiolis like pesto vegenaise!
Posted by Dori on August 31, 2010 at 6:07 pm
As long as your hatred is not of spicy brown mustard, we can be friends. I feel that way about ketchup though. It started when I babysat these kids and they had dinner and they took an already opened kitchen out of the CABINET and used it. This family did not refrigerate open ketchup!! Ever since, I have been disgusted by it.
Although I was always disgusted by seeing people put ketchup on eggs. I didn’t grow up knowing that even was something people did, and now if someone at a diner at the next table does it, I start gagging, I can’t help it.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on August 31, 2010 at 6:54 pm
I can tolerate spicy brown mustard (though don’t crave it) but when I ate eggs, I had to douse them in ketchup
Posted by Abby on September 1, 2010 at 5:00 am
I put ketchup, hot sauce, and loads of black pepper on my tofu scramble.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on September 1, 2010 at 7:28 am
I can’t stomach the hot sauce but yes I like a little (or a lot) of ketchup on blander tofu scrambles.
Posted by Dori on September 1, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Lucky for me you don’t eat eggs anymore.
Posted by Rachel Wilkerson on September 1, 2010 at 7:26 pm
AHHHH hahaha how did I not know this before?!
I love condiments! Mustard is probably the one I’d want on a desert island. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this.
Posted by idreamofgreenie on September 2, 2010 at 7:00 am
Whoa, did you really just tell me this??? And would that companion condiment be of the yellow mustard varietal?
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